Wednesday, August 22, 2012

A Letter to the President of the United States

I may be a little over my head here.  It started when I was perusing the stories in my Google+ feed and I came across the following story about a lawyer that was using the Freedom of Information Act to request the  President's beer recipe (Note: Full story posted by Beer Street Journal here).  And if you haven't read about the President's beer, then get out from under the rock you're living under and read about it here.

I am want.
Well, first things first, you can't create it "exactly" because it uses honey from Michelle Obama's very own hives.  That honey of course is made from whatever blend of flowers is in that vicinity; pretty abstract stuff.  Second of all, does this seem like a dick move to anyone else?  Sure, we'd all like a taste of some insanely rare beer made by the POTUS.  Sure, we'd all like to know how creative he was in the ingredient choices.  However, car-jacking his recipe using legislation seems pretty shitty.  If someone wants to give their recipe, great.  In fact, lots of breweries do just that.  I've seen it in the pages of Beer Advocate magazine.  But if someone wants to keep THEIR stuff THEIRS (hence the origin of copyright laws, trademarks, registered trademarks, patents, patent pendings, "Thou shalt not steal," and the fact that plagerism is a no-no), then they should be able to do just that.

This guy is basically demanding someone else's beer recipe!  How is that in the spirit of craft beer?  That's not being a beer geek.  That's being a beer douche.  It doesn't bring people together.  It doesn't foster creativity.  It doesn't encourage collaboration.  What it DOES encourage is a sense of entitlement.  It DOES encourage misusing legislation.  It DOES encourage performing idiotic acts to receive a ton of national press (I'm sometimes OK with that last one.  Usually when it involves jumping a vehicle over a large distance while performing an intensely difficult number of twists and/or flips).

It seems that whenever politics are involved, people are always ready to bitch about something, but never have a better solution themselves.  So that this post does not fall into the same category, I have written a much better letter to the POTUS and submitted it via this morning.  I'll include it here for your reading pleasure.


Dear Mr. President,

My name is Joel Kolander and I love craft beer. I was very excited to see that you also have an interest in craft beer, even taking the extra step to brew it yourself. Big props on that one.

Long story short, I've never felt the need to write to a president before or any other official, but I had to this time. The opportunity just seems way too fantastic. I am writing because I author a beer blog called "Sud Savant." I review beers in great depth and try to record those experiences for myself and my readers. I would love to review ANY of the Presidential beers that you brew. In fact, I'd be willing to trade some of my top bottles for such an opportunity. Now, I know the POTUS can probably get whatever bottles he wants, but let me offer the following:

-1 bottle of New Glarus Golden Ale. New Glarus is only sold in Wisconsin and this particular beer was only sold at the brewery as an R&D project. They are sold out.


-1 bottle of Three Floyds' Dark Lord. This bottle is only available once/yr at the brewery, during a festival for its release.

These are some of the most insanely tasty beers I have ever had and should be supremely tempting. Please know that in addition to the proposed trade & write-up, I'd also just be willing to sit down, crack these open, and have a tasting with you. Use it as an election gimmick - I don't care! It'd be a lot fun. Also, you should know that I am a non-partisan voter, so that any review of this Presidential beer that I write will be in form with any other review I do: honest, un-biased, and extremely descriptive.

I hope to hear back from you soon regardless of your response. Good luck in your re-election campaign and when things get a little stressful, remember to pry open a tasty American craft beer. I'll take comfort in knowing the POTUS can unwind and appreciate just like the rest of us.

Cheers and regards,

Joel R. Kolander
a.k.a. Sud Savant

It seems like a pretty good deal, right?  I mean, c'mon, it's not like the Pres can make it out to Dark Lord Day.  Those tickets are crazy impossible to get.  Plus, that New Glarus Golden Ale is as close to deserving the title "nectar of the gods" as I have ever tasted.  Needless to say, whatever the response, I'll definitely be posting it and keeping everybody up-to-date.

Photo "borrowed" from Wikipedia.


  1. Maybe you can get him to come to the Sud Savant house (aka Zhorne West) and we can all crack open some beers. Even though Obama and I don't see eye to eye on any other issue, we can appreciate good beer and, well, when was the last time a sitting president came to our house? (Never...)

  2. This is the best idea ever. Best of luck. I really hope you get to try it.

    1. Thanks! I sure hope so too. A Presidential response would make my year... nah, decade.